Cringe-Worthy

Gustave Doré, Inferno Canto 32, 1857

I hate bad movies. Movies that are confused in direction, with no character development, stale, flat jokes, poor, predictable attempts at drama and terrible over acting. I hate them. I love a good performance in a well thought out, cleverly written film is always great. See, Schindler's List is tarnished by what is essentially the final scene and redemption. Liam Neeson completely fucks up everything good about the previous three hours because the scene is amazingly tacky and poorly performed. Arguably this is Spielberg's fault for having some filthy fetish over wanky, over dramatic endings. They are the reason why I don't like Spielberg that much. It actually made me roll my eyes and genuinely sad that the filthy scene wasn't redone in a completely different way to having Oskar Schindler break down and cry. It was out of character. It was wrong. There could have been a much easier way for Oskar to show his gratitude. Did we see the Jews crying out of happiness when they were RESCUED FROM AUSCHWITZ!? No! Why then does Schindler become a mega pussy when he SETS THE OTHER PEOPLE FREE!? Gah!

Regardless, "La Ritournelle" by Sébastien Tellier is an incredible song. If you play it on repeat, the file I have perfectly matches the start and the end together, making some amazing, never-ending aural bliss. Great stuff there.

Voltumnus - Flow

2010 Music

I would say it's been a pretty darn swell year for music already. You can tell that some of the stuff released this year will be "essential" or "seminal" later in the 2010s. Like in 2019, there'll probably be an album from this year in the top 10. However, I still haven't found my new Merriweather Post Pavilion because I actually am still sexually aroused by the record.
Here's my favourites so far (in no particular order):

Flying Lotus - Cosmogramma



I was reading some reviews for this brilliant album while at work. Someone compared it to Massive Attack's Mezzanine in that it was the genre perfected. However, I couldn't tell what genre he was talking about. FlyLo is still classified by some as dubstep, but this is a tag I do not agree with in the slightest. And to say that Cosmogramma is the perfection of the electronica genre is a huge claim when Aphex Twin exists. I would regard this as the peak of FlyLo's career, but not of a genre because it's the kind of album that sticks out in your music library. It doesn't just get lumped into one category. It's so much more.

Jónsi - Go



It can easily be agrued that this album is nothing more than Jón Þór Birgisson "selling out" from his status as a post-rock master craftsman. I disagree. Yes, it's pop. Yes, it's bouncy and cute, but it's also pop not for the radio. You probably will hear "Go Do" and "Boy Lilikoi" on the radio this year if you haven't already, but see if Nova will pick this up. They won't because it's a pop record with a brain. Also, it's a little too arty for the Lady GaGa's out there. Also, I would bet that he can get more straight men than GaGa, the ugly hoe.

Erykah Badu - New Amerykah Part Two: Return of the Ankh



Neo-soul rules, and I think Erykah is the voice of the genre. Sorry D'Angelo. Yeah, it's less funky and fun as Part One, and doesn't have a song as good as "Honey" (which is technically a bonus track), but you can tell she's poured a lot of soul into this, as you'd expect from a soul record. Madlib's production is great, as you can expect, and he does a great job of not pulling a dick move like he did on Mos Def's The Ecstatic last year where he recycled a Beat Konducta jam. Or maybe Mos wanted it. Who cares. The atmosphere created on this album is purely dripping with adoration and enthusiasm to make a killer record. Erykah Badu has done just that. Me loves.

Janelle Monáe - The ArchAndroid



Erykah Badu's main competition this year in terms of the loveliest voice of 2010. This contemporary, arty R&B record may totally rip-off Metropolis, but in the best way possible. Actually, it's suites two and three (suite one was her debut EP) of a four-suite concept. Regardless of the concept, this album is musically something very special. Janelle has completely rewritten the standards for R&B, genre-hopping while still being firmly rooted in traditions. Except the song with of Montreal, which doesn't quite sit right because it's so damn of Montreal-y. Outside of "Make The Bus," this album will satisfy anyone except maybe RnB listeners because the production isn't a terrible Timbaland rip-off (who sucks, may I add) and the instrumentation is intricate and subtle rather than "IMMA BE IMMA BE IMMA-IMMA-IMMA BE!!!"

The National - High Violet



This might just be the only rock record that matters this year. On the surface, it's nothing new: A delicate album about heartbreak and loneliness. After a few listens, this album digs into you. It becomes a beautiful set of songs that may or may not apply to you. They probably won't because you weren't engaged and haven't seriously thought about having kids. The album is a man growing up and coming to terms with what the world expects him to do. It's pretty fucking great. Understandable why it's #1 on rate your music for 2010.

However, I would say that my favourite song this year has got to be Nas and Damian Marley's "As We Enter." It is so slick.

Nas and Damian Marley - As We Enter

Saturday Night, 'Round 12:53am...

Note: This was written on my phone as I went home from Establishment.

My Trip Home On The Last Train: A Tale of Triumph and Woe.

Con walks toward the train carriage. He notices sawdust spread EVERYWHERE on the floor. He walks to the other carriage.
Train Guard: It's a bit messy in there.

I swear I heard a girl chunder. Can't smell anything, though.

Note: Now here is when four drunk people got on the train. The rest of this is generally quotations from their conversation.

I've never thrown up in a bar. Maybe outside a bar.
It was running down your chin. You were like: "Give me a napkin!"

It's your de-odourant, it makes you smell like Thailand.

He beats the drum at his own beat...what is that saying...?

He was, like, really con-shi-en-suns...con-shieen-en-suns...what's the word...?

You could say "saucey"...but that's nothing like "sassy"...

It seems like I ate your fart

Chronological: I am rapidly sobering up, making this train trip highly unbearable.

I was so scared that I thought the train would never stop.
Did it stop?
Well, yeah, I'm here now.

1:20am: Awkward silence...

Where are we now?
Terulla.

In harmony: Super cheap, super cheap, it's super cheap-ay, yawwh. (To the tune on "Super Freak")

1:25am: I wish I was not sober right now...

1:28am: These people are getting tired and have stopped saying stupid shit D':

That's my job; I play with kids.
:|

Everything has a reason.
What's the reason for throwing up in a bar?

But I like tequilla-
Not anymore!

I left my passport in a bar...that bar...

I am actually thinking about how I am going to write this on Facebook.

Step 1: Tequilla shot.
Step 2: Throw up.
Step 3: Not know what happened.
Step 4: Give me a napkin!

6, 2, 1, 1...
6x2=12
21-1=11
11-1=10
Success!!

1:36am: Riverwood. So. Damn. Close.

Shonky kent on the train. Phone away.

1:42am: Car.

1:56am: Bathroom: Wee, photo, brush teeth.



2:00am: Oh yeah, I was listening to HEALTH before I went out...

2:02am: Go downstairs of get headphones.

2:06am: The Beatles - Revolver. An so begins an attempt to listen to my top 5 records at a ridiculous hour.

2:18am: WE ALL LIVE IN A YELLOW SUBMARINE!!!

2:35am: Got To Get You Into My Life. Who am I thinking about? Your opinion.

2:45am: Village Green Preservation Society in glorious mono.

2:50am: Did I listen to pop music because I was miserable? Or was I miserable because I listened to pop music?

3:10am: Can't make it. The Kinks - Phenonemal Cat. Good nightm thought's in my head. To to faaaark awwwwwf.

The Kinks - Phenomenal Cat

All Nighters

I am yet to pull an all nighter for uni.
I am about 1,000 words (halfway) into my music essay. I will not make this my first all nighter, because I have ancient tricks to overcome it:

• Tea
• Cookies
• Dubstep
• A Brain

No challenge.

Caspa - The Terminator

A Quick Note:

Mr. T is an actor.
B.A. Baracus was his character.
Clubber Lang was also a character of his.
"I pity the fool!" comes from Clubber Lang.
Stop fucking up popular culture.
Thank you.

The Beta Band - Squares

Eurovision

Eurovision is pretty much the greatest event of the year.

The feast that mum prepared was off the chain. Some food from various countries, including paella and Portugese chicken. So good. And the cousins, Harry and Al gathering around the TV all watching, singing along and making massively inappropriate comments throughout is great fun. Standing ovation from Al and I to my future wife Lena Meyer-Landrut (Al, you got no chance and I will marry her) and an all-round applause for Giorgos Alkaios and Friends. OPA was a pretty sweet jam. Honestly, I thought that Iceland's song, no matter how fat the singer was, had a solid chance at winning. "Je Ne Sai Quoi" had the euro-rave beats, outrageous singing, a key change and amazing lighting. But hey, turns out Europe loves Lena nearly as much as I do. She was even in my dream - and it wasn't even sexual!

We went down to Opera Bar (because for some reason I was fucking loaded) and while we were having some steak, Lena and her friend were walking past (because she came to Australia because she's cool like that). And so I ran over and like talked to her and invited her to join us for dinner (dream, remember this, a dream) and we were all hanging and taking photos and then we went to the Argyle and danced to "Tits & Acid" by Simian Mobile Disco and then went to Cargo Bar (yes, I woke up and though, "Oh god...Cargo..?") and met up with everyone else. Then we got out mega party on and then as everyone was leaving I was all like: "Lena, where are you staying?" and so we all went back to her hotel room, which was the penthouse of the Shangri-La (pretty believable). And we drank expensive alcohol (and when I say I was loaded, I mean wads of cash and money clips) and went to sleep as the sun rose. I am a cool guy with a vivid imagination which is totally realistic. Shut up.

Also, Boris was pretty fucking amazing.

Mos Def - Supermagic

The End.

Stills from Andy Warhol's film Empire

So it's pretty much the end of the semester and you know, subjects are all wrapping up. Art History exam on Monday, Japanese speaking next Friday and then an exam on the 19th of June (Boo, Saturday exam) and final assignments for Academic Writing and Music are due. So there we have it, my first semester of university coming to a close. I guess I should reflect on what I've learnt:

• Some basic stuff in Japanese, much less than I should know.
• Art is cool, man.
• How to actually research an essay and kinda how to reference.
• How to drink a beer.

Looks like I'm a stellar uni student.

What I'm really looking forward to is holidays. I won't really have to care because I now have expectations of uni and won't be fretting. Pretty amped to just hit the town on random days of the week, go to some bad clubs (hellooooo Eastern!), some great pubs (hellooooo James Squire Brewery) and generally just lounge around. Sit in my room on a Sunday afternoon reading some books, listening to tunes and watching some killer flicks. Maybe shove some Final Fantasy in there somewhere because video games are cool. Get some people over, have a Street Fighter IV sesh, maybe? I might even go for a daily bike ride or something! Imagine that, me doing "exercise" often. Insane! What I would really love is a Pills Party™ and get absolutely lashed and stay up until sunrise because that's fun and a Pills Party™ is literally the greatest party ever. And a jam session. We desperately need a jam session. My talent (non-existant) is just going to waste! I cannot write a song...some rocker I'll grow up to be.

Paragrah three is often a summary, synthesising above points into some profound comment about the world and the existence of life. But I ain't done, no sir, I've got plenty more on my mind. Like why are women so crazy? Women, why are you so crazy? Do you strive to make a man's life a living hell? Japan has it made with men still being the dominant motherfucker in society, and waitresses in maid cafes referring to the customers as "Master." That's right. That's how it should be. And women are so unreadable and give mixed messages. Unless they're drunk. Or maybe I'm just terribad at reading people. That's probably it. FUCKING WOMEN!

Kanye West - Homecoming